You pour a drink.
What are you wanting from that drink?
I just don’t want to be responsible.
I want it to escape my problems.
Because I am disappointed with my kids, spouse, my job, my life, etc.
Let’s look at these reasons a bit more closely.
I just don’t want to be responsible. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, when you drink, you are just as responsible as before you started. If you crash your car or your house burns down, you are still responsible. Alcohol doesn’t take away responsibilities. That thought or reason for wanting to drink is delusional. It is not accurate nor true. But yet, we want to believe it even though we know it isn’t true. Delusional, right?
I want it to escape my problems. Life is full of problems and always will be. That is the nature of life – there is good and bad. Always. No matter how rich or poor, young or old, thin or not-as-thin as you want to be, etc. Everyone has things they identify as problems. You can’t escape it. Thinking you can escape your problems with a drink is not accurate nor true. It is just a way for your brain to justify having a drink.
Because I am disappointed with ______. Yes, we have all been there. Someone isn’t or didn’t measure up to your standards. You expected someone or something to turn out differently. You are hanging on to these expectations despite the pain it is causing you. It could be that you aren’t meeting your own expectations. Your life isn’t where you thought it would be. When I see my clients argue with reality, we look at this and explore how this is keeping them stuck in constant pain and suffering. Alcohol will not fix this. Ever. Alcohol does not change reality or other people.
The key is seeing these thoughts and how they are keeping you trapped and living with irritation, frustration, anger, shame, embarrassment, hopelessness, or in fear.
What I offer is courage to my clients – to be willing to see what they may not see on their own, to be willing to investigate what is keeping them stuck and in pain, and to be willing to question if they want to hang on to these painful thoughts or change them.
When we let go of old thoughts, new ones can grow in their place.
Neurons that fire together, wire together.
It takes courage to do this. It takes being open-minded. It takes a willingness to see if your brain may be wrong about something you have held deeply for years.
Sometimes my clients dislike me and the conversations we have and that’s okay.
I challenge them. I show up for them.
My goal is always to show them how they are creating the very life they don’t want to be living with love. And offer how to change that way of being to get the life they want to be living.
Their behaviors change but only if they are willing to do this internal work.