This can look like saying YES to everyone else’s needs and wants, and wanting to please others.
When you do this, you are further behind where YOU want to be.
And you feel exhausted and disappointed with yourself.
Women especially are taught to be nice to others, volunteer, and be a good person. But this doesn’t mean you keeping saying YES to everything and everyone at your own expense.
There’s another way.
When you say NO to something, you are saying YES to many other things….like the things that truly matter to you.
There is great power in saying NO.
It shows you take a stance. You believe in something firmly.
Saying no is not about deprivation and having less fun.
In fact, it’s the opposite.
Tune in this week to discover how to take back your power by saying NO.
You are listening to the Drink Less Lifestyle podcast with Dr. Sherry Price, episode number 112.
Welcome to Drink Less Lifestyle, a podcast for successful women who want to change their relationship with alcohol. If you want to drink less, feel healthier and start loving life again you’re in the right place. Please remember that the information in this podcast does not constitute medical advice. Now, here’s your host, Dr. Sherry Price.
Well, hello my beautiful friends. Earlier this week I gave a masterclass on how to control your drinking around the holidays. And I also want to remind us all, that we have six weeks left to slay 2022. So think about how you’re spending these next six weeks because I will be using this time to increase my health and increase my wellness for 2023. We are talking about this inside EpicYOU where we’re saying, being counter culture.
Our culture right now is all about overindulging, and over-splurging, and all of that, and yes, why we get to indulge, I don’t want to overdo it because it never leaves me feeling good. And so that’s something I want to talk about on today’s podcast is this way we can increase our self-discipline which is nothing more than increasing our self-control and increasing our self-love. Self-love for what we want, what we value, what we want to achieve for our life so that we can live as our best self. So we can feel amazing and not be like, “Why did I do that?”
And I also have to give a shout out to the ladies inside EpicYOU this month because we are crushing it. We’re losing weight, getting fit, starting exercise programs, drinking less. And we are getting some amazing results so congrats to the ladies on that. It’s so freaking awesome when I see women stand up for what they want and they go after it. They’re not afraid to go after it. And what I love so much in seeing these women get their goals is that the standards for their life, they’re elevating that.
One of the women said, “I didn’t realize how much crappy alcohol I drink. I’m no longer drinking crappy alcohol. I’m only drinking alcohol that I really, really enjoy.” And I love that another woman said, “I didn’t think I could stop after one drink and last night I stopped after one drink. How is this possible? I did not think that this was possible for me.” And what I love is that we post about this and we are all excited to see one another grow and evolve on this journey.
It’s so motivating to do this work together with others who really get us, who really understand us and who aren’t there judging us, or shaming us, or making us feel bad about our decisions. So on today’s podcast I want to tell you about a concept we’ve been talking about inside the program that I think many people get wrong in their lives. Honesty, I think many people do it in a way that doesn’t serve them. So we were talking on one of our coaching calls about the power of saying no. Now, I think many of us think that when we say no, it’s kind of similar to the campaign, Just Say No.
Just say no to drugs, just say no to alcohol. And do you even hear the way I delivered that? The way people and the brain latches on to just say no, is like it’s somehow a negative thing. It’s somehow going to lead to deprivation, or a wah wah kind of attitude, or just a lot less fun. That’s how a lot of people think about saying no. And I want to zoom out a bit here because I even think this is a harder concept for women because we’re socialized differently than men.
I know a lot of women who have difficulty saying no to things. We are conditioned to go with the flow, to be a peacemaker, to volunteer for things, to help somebody out. To help out your friend, your neighbor, in your community, to volunteer for the PTA. And yes, while all these things are good and saying yes is good, but we are not conditioned to say no. And for many of us that becomes a really tough space because when we say no, somehow we start to feel bad about ourselves or that we’re letting other people down.
Somehow I think women feel this emotional response that they always have to say yes. And I always don’t see this same type of response in male counterparts. They have no problem saying, “No, I’m not going to do that.” And there’s no emotional ramification in their mind. But somehow in a female brain there feels like there’s this ramification that is emotionally charged in a negative way, I’m going to let other people down, I’m going to disappoint people, people aren’t going to think nice things of me when I execute my no.
So first I just want to recognize that that part is something we have to realize if that’s something our brain is falling into. Now, the second part which I really want to dive deeper here on the podcast is that if we say yes all the time, how that is not actually a good thing. Think about saying yes all the time to everybody else, everybody else’s needs, everybody else’s wants, all the requests that come your way for your attention, your finances, your mental, your emotional, your physical, all of that. That becomes draining.
And if we’re conditioned to say yes all the time I think many women forget that they have the option to say no. They have the option to opt out. Not only that, we also live in a society right now in these modern times where we have so much available to us, that we can say yes to so many things. And I want to offer that if we keep saying yes to so many things we start living and becoming gluttonous.
So think about the abundance of food we have available to us. We have it in convenience stores and Targets, and Wal-Marts, and the grocery stores, and vending machines. And there’s a fast food restaurant on almost every corner and off every exit on an interstate just about. It’s just so widely available. Same goes with alcohol, the availability of alcohol today versus even 20 and 30 years ago, it’s widely more available. Not only that, you can not only see it available, you can get it delivered quickly, almost instantaneously through these apps.
And that’s another thing that is widely available to us. We have an abundance of information. Think back to the 1950s, and 60s, and 70s, how did most people get information? Radio, maybe there was a TV in their house. But now we have TVs in everybody’s bedroom, everybody has one in their living room and then we have podcasts. And we have these devices that we walk around with in our pockets called a phone that has access to the internet. And we have computers and iPads, and all these things that give us so much the access to information.
We have an abundance of information. You used to have to go to the doctor to find out how to get treated or what you had but now you can just Google that. And then we have all the stuff, we have so much stuff, we have access to so much stuff. And it can all be delivered so quickly, it’s like instant gratification plus abundance is our modern society. You want something, it’s delivered to your door next day if you have Amazon Prime. And in some cases it’s delivered the same day.
You want your groceries delivered, yeah, there’s an app for that. You can do Postmates, or Instacart, or all these ways. And you can go and get your deliveries put in your trunk or they can just come to your house. Now, I’m not saying all this is bad, I’m just saying, we have to look at how much abundance we live in and how much instant gratification we are training our brain for, which allows us to say yes to a lot of things.
I mean just the other day I was getting my hair done and my stylist had these amazing, beautiful curls in her hair and I’m like, “ I wonder if my hair can do that.” And she goes, “I think it can.” And I said, “How did you get those curls?” And she told me of this curling iron that she got, pulled out my phone, ordered it right then and there and it was at my house later that day. Seriously, these are the conveniences and the abundance that we had. I said yes to that curling iron right away.
So food is everywhere, alcohol is everywhere, drugs are everywhere and it’s all accessible because we have technology like apps in our phones that just make it that it could be delivered quickly. We have an app, no matter what you want, an app for alcohol, an app for groceries, an app for dating, an app for the weather, an app for monitoring your habits. You have an app for your to-do list, your grocery list. There’s an app for everything. And they make it so easy just to swipe and one click buy. So just notice how many things we are saying yes to in today’s society versus even 50 years ago.
We’re saying yes all the time with our attention, with our money, with our resources. And guess what? People are profiting off of that. Amazon’s profiting off of all our yeses, big alcohol industry is profiting off all of those yeses. And so people are getting rich off of all of our yeses. But really let’s bring that down to the individual level. How are you feeling after saying yes to so many things? And if you keep saying yes to food, and yes to alcohol, and yes to more, and more, and more, and you live in a gluttonous way, is that serving you? Is that enhancing your life?
And I’ll say with the statistics it looks like it’s not. We’re more depressed. We have suicide rates that are on the increase in the past couple of years. We have more anxiety. We’re sicker and we’re fatter. I don’t think it’s really benefiting our society to say yes all the time. And it’s certainly not benefiting us on an individual level to keep saying yes all the time. I want to share with you something that I posted on our Slack channel when I was contemplating this and before doing this podcast.
I talked about this gluttonous, this way that we are acting these days. And I said, “No one experiences more pain than the glutton. When you say yes to too many things you become gluttonous, you keep saying yes. You have no boundaries, no standards. You take on too much. You do too much. You eat too much. You drink too much and all of this makes you feel like crap and your body hates it. You can’t move easily, your joints hurt. You become more sedentary and your digestive system is a mess.
And your mood swings like a bra on a clothes line on a windy day. Maybe it’s not about saying yes to more things, it’s actually saying no to what is critical and saying no is critical to living your best life.” And this is what I want to dive into today is really the power of saying no. We’re saying no to the things that impede or don’t enhance our life. So I want you to sit here and think, what are all the things that I’m saying yes to in my life and do they give me the benefit that I’m looking for? Do they give me the life that I want? Are they serving me all these yeses?
Think about if you said yes to everything at work and you just overworked and overdid it. We see this a lot in healthcare, especially during COVID, people had to stay do extra shifts because people were sick. And healthcare workers do this all the time even without COVID going on. They give, they give, they give, they give, they work overtime, they give, they give. And I’m just familiar with the healthcare community. I’m sure there are plenty of other professions that give and give like teachers. And they’re just constantly giving and saying yes to the next thing.
But too many yeses and what happens? They burn out, burnout is huge because they don’t take care of themselves and they don’t learn the power of saying no. And the power of saying no is that I need to take care of myself now so I don’t burn out, so I can give more later.
And I see women do this, they keep saying yes. They keep saying yes to their kids, yes to their spouse, yes to their employer, yes to all the things. And then they wonder why they feel that their needs aren’t being met and they feel neglected. And then they get resentful and bitter and turn to alcohol to solve for that. So this falls right in line with what we’re doing, is focusing on increasing self-discipline because it comes to about taking care of yourself and that comes from the power of saying no.
When you say no to one thing, realize that there is a downstream effect that you’re saying yes to other things in your life. Now, we easily do this with others but do we do it for ourselves? So if you’re a mom, you easily do this with your kids by don’t allowing or not allowing them to have all the sugar and candy that they want. You tell them no, they can’t have dessert or no, they can’t have more candy because you know that in saying no, you are saying yes to their health.
And you are saying yes to their mental wellbeing because we know that sugar does not have a great effect on their brains. And not only that but also telling them no, you are allowing them to be able to handle and process that emotional response of disappointment, like I don’t get everything in my life. And so you’re training them not to become entitled adults, and how to practice handling when you don’t get everything you want.
And what also you’re doing by saying no to them is you’re teaching them how to be a steward of themselves so when they go on to adulthood they know how to treat their bodies, they know what choices to make around food. So when you say no to something, notice that you may say no to that thing right there but all the things that you’re saying yes to after it. And that’s why the no becomes so powerful. When you say no to the next drink that is so powerful. Not only that, it’s also positive. People think it’s a negative thing but it’s a positive thing.
Think about it, when you say no to something it means you stand for something, it means you are committed to something, it means that you know what you want and you’re willing to go after it. So think about when you say no to the next drink. That is so powerful because it means you stand for your health, you stand for what’s good for your body, you stand for a fit body, you stand for your own cognition and taking care of your liver and your brain. And by saying no you basically are saying, “Hey, I’m taking care of myself.” And this is powerful.
And what I love about that powerful no, you’re not just saying no to the drink. That’s what the Just Say No campaign is about and that failed. You’re not just saying no to the drink. What makes it such a powerful no is you’re not only saying no to the drink but all the ramifications of excess drinking. When you say no to that extra drink, you’re also saying no to, no, thanks, I don’t want additional weight gain. No thanks, I don’t need extra sugar in my body. No thanks, I don’t need that fatty liver that that’s going to give me over time.
And I’m also saying no to passing out at the end of the night because that’s not fun. You know what I’m also saying no, when I decline that next drink? I’m saying no to forgetting conversations because I really want to remember this conversation. I really want to remember this fun time that we’re having tonight. And my powerful no is also saying no to the hangover the next day and it’s saying no to making this a chronic habit that I do every time I go out or every night. And I’m also saying no to a lifestyle of needing and wanting it and that makes me feel powerful.
And there’s nothing more positive and powerful than saying no. And when I decline a drink that’s what I’m saying no to. I’m saying no to all of that, you know why? Because when I say no to that I’m saying yes to me. I’m saying yes to my health. I’m saying yes to living a long beautiful and healthy life. I’m saying yes to my fine waistline. I’m saying yes to my brain and remembering my amazing night and adding it to my amazing life.
I’m saying yes to more fun and yes to more energy because I’m saying no to the depression that comes the next day with alcohol and no to the anxiety that comes the next day with alcohol. I’m saying yes to more vibrancy in my life. So take this into your life. Where do you need to say no so you can be more of the woman you want to be? Because when you say no it makes you powerful and strong. The opposite of that of saying too many yeses is that it makes you weak, and you become a doormat, and you don’t know what you stand for.
Saying no means you stand for something, you’re committed and you’re willing to go all in because it’s important to you and your value system. Too many yeses means you give up on yourself and you give up on your goals. When you say no it means you are persevering and you’re becoming more resilient. Too many yeses means you cave in, give in and then wallow about it. Saying no means you know what the hell you want and you will get it. Too many yeses means I don’t know if I’ll ever get it. Saying no means you want an amazing epic life that you’ve decided on purpose for yourself.
Too many yeses means that others are choosing the life that you get to have. Saying no is a key to a happy and successful life, I promise you that. It is a beautiful thing. It is something that we need to embrace. So, ladies, allow yourself to say no powerfully. And when you say it powerfully it’s done in a positive manner, not this, I’m depriving myself. And that’s how most people look at not drinking or drinking less as somehow it’s depriving ourselves.
We were talking about on our call about how to say no powerfully in a positive way. And it actually means you smile when you’re saying it. You’re delighted to say it because you’re getting the life that you want and you’re not afraid to own it. When you say no powerfully it’s not about people pleasing, it’s not about doing it to fit in, it’s not any of that. And I think that’s where we get conflated, because we think we need to match others’ behavior, but that’s a wimpy no. A powerful no doesn’t deplete the energy of the room. A powerful no can actually elevate the energy of the room.
And here’s the thing, it’s not about the having less fun, it’s the exact opposite of that. It’s not a downer on it at all. And if you’re doing it that way you’re probably doing it wrong. So, ladies, practice this skill of a powerful no in a positive way. This liberates you to get what you want in life, you feel totally free to be you, to say what you want, to honor your values, to honor your health. And you have my full permission to say no to a drink, you don’t need it, but I’m giving it to you.
And what I want more importantly is you to give yourself that permission to say a powerful no, not from a place of deprivation but from a place of abundance, not from a place of, I have to, but from a place of I want to, not from a place of will people accept me. No, from a place of I want to accept myself. This is a different energy my friends, this is a powerful energy. And I want you to practice this, to say no to whatever is getting in the way of you living as your best self, and you living your most epic life because this is a gamechanger.
And I’ll tell you what, the more you practice it the easier it becomes. We were practicing this on one of our calls and somebody said, “Well, maybe it’s not socially acceptable to decline alcohol.” And I want to remind you of this quote that I heard from Ryan Holiday which is so good. It doesn’t matter whether it’s socially acceptable or not. What matters is whether it’s good for you. Let me say that one more time. It doesn’t matter whether it’s socially acceptable or not. What matters is whether it’s good for you.
And right now it is socially acceptable to drink. Just think back in the days of the 90s. It was socially acceptable to smoke and so we had a lot of people smoking. Now it’s not as socially acceptable to smoke, so what happened? We have less people smoking. Just because society is doing it doesn’t mean it’s healthy. We have learned that from smoking, haven’t we? So just because drinking is socially acceptable, does not make it good for us. But look, we don’t have to make a judgment call if something is socially acceptable or not.
What our role is, is how we control ourselves, the decisions we make for ourselves, this is the essence of self-discipline, this is claiming what you want for your life. This is claiming your power. I want you to reclaim that power because you are not powerless. You just have to reclaim your authority and stop giving it away to people, friends, society, your emotions or how your brain thinks. All of that can be changed. And I want you to know I am in your corner always on this, to be your best most powerful self.
Alright my friends, I love you so much. If you like this podcast make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. And if you’re loving this podcast, please share it with a friend. It would be my honor to help more women be able to be powerful in their lives, especially when it comes to around their drinking. Alright my friends, thanks for tuning in and I will see you next week.
If you want to change your relationship with alcohol and with yourself, then come check out EpicYOU, it’s where you get individualized help mastering the tools so you can become a woman who can take it or leave it and be in control around alcohol in any situation. EpicYOU is the place for women who want to be healthy, confident and empowered to accomplish their goals and live their best life. Come join us over at epicyou.com/epicyou. That’s epicyou.com/epicyou. I can’t wait to see you there.