Do you find that you’re unable to keep promises to yourself in one particular area of your life?
Maybe you’re unable to stop after 1 drink.
Maybe you say your going to go to the gym or start exercising but don’t.
Maybe you’re unable to follow through on something important.
In this podcast episode, I discuss how self-betrayal can turn into a cycle.
When you don’t trust yourself, you give up.
And you give up on the things that matter MOST to you.
Engaging in self-betrayal and having a lack of self trust negatively affects our health on all levels.
Tune in to learn more about the ways you can end self-betrayal.
You are listening to the Drink Less Lifestyle podcast with Dr. Sherry Price, episode number 169.
Welcome to Drink Less Lifestyle, a podcast for successful women who want to change their relationship with alcohol. If you want to drink less, feel healthier and start loving life again you’re in the right place. Please remember that the information in this podcast does not constitute medical advice. Now, here’s your host, Dr. Sherry Price.
Well, hello everyone. Last week I mentioned that I am making some big changes in my professional life as well as my personal life. And so today I want to tell you, I’ve been praying to God about some of the changes that are coming. And I’m super excited that we are still on track to launch my new podcast in the new year and I’m very excited to share with you the name of the new podcast. It is Health, Habits and Epic Living. Do you love it? I love it.
I love it so much because as you know, I’m very passionate about each of these topics. And the reason women really want to drink less is to improve their health, make drinking less a new habit, and feel more epic in their life. And when you over-drink, we all know that you sacrifice these things, you sacrifice your health. We know alcohol ages you faster, it deteriorates your health, it sets you up for greater risk for heart disease, greater risk for dementia and cognitive decline and many forms of cancer.
I just created a document inside of EpicYOU which talked about all the harms that we’ve just learned in the last 10 years. So I went through the research of the last 10 years pulling out the harms that we have learned of this substance that’s been around since ancient times. So now that we have this information, we just want to make sure that we’re not ignoring the data and we’re accepting and knowing and acknowledging the truth.
We also know that when we over-drink or rely too much on alcohol, you really don’t love your life. Alcohol puts you on this emotional roller-coaster, and because it’s a depressant, most people wind up feeling more anxious, more tired, more drained, more worn out, more exhausted, less motivated, and they’re really not firing on all cylinders. And so you wind up missing out being the best version of you and feeling your best. And so that’s why I am so passionate about the new name of the podcast. And I hope you will follow me along on that journey as well.
And yes, on the new podcast, of course I will continue to talk about alcohol because it is very important we limit it for our health and our wellness. But really this podcast name change for me was really to open up the conversation that this is not just about alcohol.
I think people think my program EpicYOU is a drinking program and it’s really not. It’s how to better your life so alcohol just becomes irrelevant. It just becomes something you get to do because you truly want to enjoy a glass of alcohol, not because you feel you need it, not because you can’t control your emotions. Not because of any other reason other than pure pleasure on occasion. And so I really stand for health.
I just did a webinar inside of EpicYOU where I talked about healthy parenting, which is parenting with intention. And I know going through the challenges I have gone through with my parenting and being not the best version of a parent that I wanted to be. I wanted to share these tools to other moms who want to parent differently, who want to parent with intention, who want to parent better for a healthier relationship with their children.
We know I have made a ton of mistakes and I talk about them openly here on the podcast. I made a ton of mistakes. And I wish I had a mentor in my life that would say, “Hey, I’ve been where you’re at and I handled the way you’ve handled things but I don’t find that that’s the most effective way.” And I would love to have someone that said, “Why don’t you try this method?”
And so when I did that webinar that was months of research, looking at parenting models and looking at family systems and how we get to become who we are and some of the little t traumas that aren’t talked about much in society. We talk about the big T traumas a lot, but what about all those little t traumas that develop us into the adult that we are? And so I’m passionate about healthy relationships. And we talk about that inside of EpicYOU. And I’m passionate about health in general.
Speaking of how passionate I am, I can’t wait to have my doctor come on. I just had 18 tubes of blood drawn because I’m so passionate about learning about all the different parameters on how to keep myself healthy. And so looking at Objective Labs is important too. How are we tracking? Am I going to be developing diabetes? What is my fasting glucose? What is my fasting insulin? What is my hemoglobin A1C? I want to know that.
I wore a glucose monitor for a while because I wanted to better understand how my body handles sugar, handles certain types of foods. And I think the more I can share my journey and what’s worked and what hasn’t worked, the more I can help others. And as a woman navigating life and certain changes now that I am entering another decade, we go through perimenopause and menopause. And I think these hormonal issues need to be addressed.
We need to discuss them. We need to open the box and talk about exactly what happens so we can navigate it gracefully. Now that we have information about bioidentical hormones and how those are different than synthetic hormones. And I can’t wait to bring on more experts in this category, so we can learn from them together. I think it’s very important for health that we are empowered with information. And our health isn’t what happens inside of a doctor’s office, and our health isn’t happening, what’s inside, we go into a hospital.
Our health is what we do on a daily basis. It’s how we take care of ourselves. It’s how we take care of our minds, how we take care of our emotions, how we take care of our bodies. Because that’s at least 90 to 95% of healthcare. What we think about alters our biology, alters our risk of disease. How we take care of ourselves emotionally, some of us can’t take care of ourselves emotionally, so we turn to other things that promote disease. And also how do we take care of our bodies? Do we move them enough? Are we providing them with the right amount of macronutrients?
Are we giving them enough trace minerals? And these are the kinds of discussions I want to have with you so you can take the best care of your body. Because when your body feels good, when your mind feels good, it’s like you’re on turbocharge. And when you’re on turbocharge, that’s when you are feeling epic and that’s an epic you.
And speaking of EpicYOU, I just want to make sure that you all are aware that the price of EpicYOU will go up on January 1st. So now is the time to get in before the price increase. I am rolling out new changes coming in January inside the program. So I want to give you this final opportunity to come and join and lock in this lower rate before the price goes up again on January 1st.
EpicYOU is going to be all about epic health and all about habits and ways you can achieve and feel amazing. And I haven’t really made this known, but it’s been a little secret that I’ve been sending out Christmas gift boxes to all the members inside of EpicYOU who live here in the United States. I’m so excited about the changes coming and so I just love giving gifts, it’s one of my love languages. So I’ve been sending out little gift packages to everyone who is in EpicYOU.
So again, if you join before the end of the new year you will be receiving these gift boxes as long as they don’t sell out or as long as I have supplies left. So I’m very excited to share with you all the new changes coming out in the new year. There will certainly be more gifts coming for EpicYOU members once we get into January and start really diving deep into our health and our wellness. So if you’re in EpicYOU, ladies, get ready. We are going to transform your health this year and it’s going to be the most epic year yet. So stay tuned because so much more is to come.
Alright, so today let’s talk about betrayal. And the most common form of betrayal there is, is self-betrayal. Now, it doesn’t feel good when we get betrayed by others, but I have to tell you it feels really lousy when we betray ourselves. So do you find that you’re unable to keep promises to yourself? Maybe you attempt to make new changes or create new habits, but you fall back on old ones or you just don’t stick to your word.
Or it could look like you don’t do what you say you’re going to do, you don’t follow through. You may plan it, you may put it on the calendar, but when it comes time to do it, you just don’t. These are all forms of self-betrayal. And unfortunately, I find that this self-betrayal turns into a cycle and it hits particularly one area of life pretty hard. So you may be good at not betraying yourself in many areas of your life.
You go to work on time. You’re there for your kids. Maybe you make your doctor’s appointments and you’re staying on top of all your health concerns and all the health checkups and the dentist checkups and maybe you really have that dialed in. And so what I find with self-betrayal, it really happens in one area of life. Maybe you’ve been wanting to go to the gym and you’ve been putting it on your calendar and every time it comes time to go to the gym, you just don’t go. You put exercise on your calendar and you just don’t do it.
Or it could be you say, “This is the day I’m going to cut back on my drinking”, but you don’t. You’re killing it the other areas of your life, but there’s this one area that you just can’t seem to move the needle on. And this is what I mean, it becomes almost like a habit. You say you’re going to do it but then you don’t do it. You say you’re going to do it and then you don’t do it. And over time, really this leads to something that’s really difficult for people and that is they develop a lack of self-trust, a lack of self-trust in just this one area of their life and it eats at them.
You put it down on the calendar, or maybe you make a drink plan, but guess what? You just don’t trust yourself to follow through. And so, after weeks or months of doing this, you might just give up. You might stop planning. You might stop putting it on your calendar because you just don’t trust yourself to carry through.
Now, this, my friends, is very damaging to your mental and emotional health, because I’ve seen it manifest in some people as a subclinical type of depression. Their life is really good, it feels really good, but why don’t I feel better? There just seems to be this one thing that feels off. And yes, it is because you’re not doing what you really want to be doing and that’s damaging to our psyche.
And when we are not building up self-trust, what I find for some people is that it can really deteriorate their amount of self-worth. They may feel good about themselves in certain categories of their life, but then other categories, it’s not just a self-trust issue, it becomes then a self-worth issue.
And then when people don’t feel worthy, there’s other tendencies that come up, maybe a tendency to not tell the truth or tell a white lie because they’re afraid of letting other people down. They start to outsource their worth to others. They become dependent on other people’s opinions of who they are, rather than making decisions or choices based on their own inner knowing.
You start beginning to be afraid of being seen for what’s going on for you because you’re not going to get validation from another person, or they may invalidate you or judge you based on what you’re going through or what you’re experiencing. Now, this can be a vicious cycle that adds to the first cycle. Now that you can’t express who you are and your truth and your honesty then you start feeling like you’re bad because you’re hiding something or you’re not being truthful. And that may further drive you to want to drink or continue to do this thing that you really don’t want to be doing.
So you begin to really disconnect from yourself on multiple levels. Not only do you disconnect by wanting to drink or overeat, but you also disconnect because you start lying or not telling the truth about what’s going on for you inside. And I know this is going on for people because I’ll hear, “I feel like I lost myself.” When we disconnect from ourselves, that’s what we do, we lose ourselves because we’re not tuning into that inner guidance, that inner knowing and we’re not being true to ourselves. And therefore it becomes easier to betray ourselves.
And so there are some questions you can be asking yourself to find out if you are betraying yourself. And one great question I like to think about is, do my actions represent my values? I speak about this one a lot. I would say, “I’m into this, I’m into healthcare and I take care of my health but yet I had this nightly drinking habit that I knew deep down wasn’t healthy.” So my actions weren’t truly representative of my values, and health is a core value for me.
There are values and then there are core values. That one makes the core value list for me. So do my actions represent my values? Another question you can be asking is, am I taking responsibility for my role in this? If we talk about self-betrayal, we have a role in that. So are we taking responsibility? Are we owning it? Another question you can ask is, have I spoken my truth or honored my boundary? We all have boundaries in our life. We may not even be aware that we have boundaries in our life, but we all have boundaries. Some of them are more narrow and some of us, they’re loose.
But do you honor your boundaries? And when don’t you honor your boundaries, when it’s not convenient, when it’s not easy or do you always honor a boundary? Here’s another great question to ask yourself to find out if you are betraying yourself. Would I be proud of this if everyone knew what I was doing? That one dives and hits deep, doesn’t it? Would I be proud if people knew I was doing this?
So if your answer is no to any of these questions or similar types of questions, there is a possibility you could be betraying yourself. And all that means is if you are betraying yourself, not to feel bad, but to recognize where you’re at. And also it’s a sign that it’s time to start making different choices. That’s it. We don’t have to feel good. We don’t have to feel bad. There doesn’t have to be shame. There doesn’t have to be guilt. We just have to say, “Oh”, and recognize there’s self-betrayal going on and say. “Yes, now is the time to start making different choices.”
Because if we don’t, guess what happens? We begin to ride the same emotional roller-coaster where we subconsciously seek to relive our past because we’re creatures of habit, we’re creatures of comfort. We already know what to expect when we over-drink. And so the brain knows how to predict the future if we continue doing the same thing, the same old way, night after night, day after day, week after week.
Even though that thing may be keeping us miserable, it may be painful and we might be terrified where that ends up. I remember thinking, goodness, if I don’t get a handle on this drinking issue, where am I going to be in five years from now? Where am I going to be in 10 years from now? Terrified. Terrified of what my health or what the outcomes could be. But I will tell you, to the brain, that’s safer than the unknown but it does keep you on the emotional roller-coaster where you’re betraying yourself.
And then it’s a cycle and then you don’t feel good and then you feel depressed about it and you feel shame. You just don’t know how to get out of this. And so I want to share with you how to end self-betrayal and start healing. And I’ll tell you, the healing process starts by building trust with yourself. So the opposite of self-betrayal to me is now you’re going to start to build self-trust. And listen, I want you to hear me. This is a very active step. It is not passive. It is not sitting on the couch.
This is a very active process. And so by an active process, what you’re doing is setting an intention to change. I mentioned before that if you are in self-betrayal, don’t make it a big deal. It’s not guilt. It’s not shame. It doesn’t have to come with any of those flavors with it. It just means it’s time to start making different choices. And that means that’s an intention to change because you’re making different choices than you have in the past. And so to start, I say that you own who you are in the moment. Don’t change the narrative at all.
You own exactly who you are in the moment. Don’t discount it. Don’t change the story. Don’t try to make light of it. Don’t try to make excuses. Don’t try to make justifications. Just own who you are in the moment, because acknowledging the truth eventually sets you free, not in the moment, but eventually will set you free. So first you own your reality, you own, I overeat, you own, I over-drink, you own, I don’t go to the gym. Now, you just own the action.
I didn’t say turn into an I am statement because then that makes you feel worse. I am an overeater, no, no, no. I am an over-drinker, no, no, no. You just say I and what you do. I over-drink. I drink more than I want. I eat more than I want. I, whatever it is that you feel you betray yourself with. It’s I and then the action. Because if you say it this way, you won’t develop the shame and guilt or you’ll less likely develop the shame and guilt.
I am statements have a very valid role in healing. It’s just not this part. This is not the time for an I am statement. Now, when you own it, notice, how does that feel in your body? How does it feel to say I over-drink? It doesn’t feel good. So notice it doesn’t feel good. So guess what? Now your body is motivated to change because it’s like, “Hey, I just admitted, I over-drink and that doesn’t feel good so I want to change.” So doing this first part of the process of acknowledging where you’re at. It really frees you up to make change with greater ease, with more ease.
Now, the next part is, I want you to take a stand for what you believe in or for what you stand for or for what you want. I stand for my health. I stand to feel proud of my actions every day. I stand for treating my body well. You can even put two things in that sentence. I stand to feel proud of my actions and how I treat my body. I stand for living a more epic life. I stand for getting more in shape or more toned or a stronger body. Now, when you say what you stand for, how does that feel in your body? Go ahead, do it. Do the exercise. It feels better. It feels much better.
And of course, it’s going to feel good because that’s your truth. You’re talking about a value and that is your truth. That is your inner guidance. That’s your inner guidance coming out. And what happens when you feel better? You’re more likely to actually make the change when you feel good versus when you don’t feel good you’re not as likely to change.
Okay, now we’re going to move onto the next step, which is then you want to set a small, small, I might even say micro, we can even say nano, we can even say really small, imperfect action that you want to do. Not that you’re going to force yourself to do but that you want to do. Now, notice I said the key part of this part is to focus on a very small step, that might mean a micro step, a nano step.
Because if you make the step too big, then the brain gets overwhelmed, finds it too hard, you get a different vibration in the body and then you no longer want to carry it out. So you want to make sure that that small imperfect step that you’re going to do, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It doesn’t have to be all the conditions need to be met. It’s just one small micro step that you can do that you find is doable. And when you take it, what do you think happens? You just said you were going to make a change and you were going to start small and you did it.
This is how you start to build back your self-trust, especially in an area where you have been conflicted for a long, long time. And so to start out, it’s really important that you make the steps doable. So if your goal is to eventually go back to the gym, it might just start out by taking a three minute walk on your street, three minutes, make it really small. It could be, I’m going to go to the gym, walk in, walk on the treadmill for three minutes, and that’s my micro step, anything beyond that is a bonus, anything beyond that is the cherry on top.
But if I just go for three minutes, that’s a win. Now, you may not think that does much but I will tell you it does tremendously more than you think it would. Because when you start to build your self-trust, when you start to begin to exercise this muscle of self-trust, it changes your life. The world athletes didn’t start off being great at what they did, they did micro steps at first.
And when you start doing things rather than waiting around for the perfect time, the perfect moment, January 1, the right amount of motivation, the right conditions, the right outfit, whatever it is, the right weather. You will consistently be waiting. And waiting without taking action towards your goals and dreams is painful my friends, very painful. You might not realize how painful it is to just sit and wait, wait for the right conditions.
However, taking action towards your goals, no matter how small, isn’t painful. It actually feels good. You see, the brain thinks that getting the goal is what’s going to cause us joy, but if you take small actions that feel doable and don’t feel overwhelming, just taking those small actions starts to feel good and you start to experience joy along the way. The brain is very sneaky, it’ll say, “I can only enjoy things once I get to the goal.” But if you enjoy the process, that’s much more imperative than believing that your brain can’t feel good until it gets to the goal. That’s just BS.
Talk to anybody coming out of the gym, and they usually feel good. And then they get to experience that glow for hours later, why? Because they build endorphins, they’re building self-trust, and they’re going towards their goal. That’s a natural dopamine hit. That’s a dopamine hit that you can continue to get over and over again that’s healthy and that feels good. Whereas self-betrayal feels awful but learning to build self-trust feels amazing.
So this is the process, my friends, this is how you increase your self-trust. And this is what gets you closer and closer to your goals because you don’t have to wait to achieve your goals to feel good. You can begin feeling good by taking action towards your goals. And that alone, my friend, will end self-betrayal and it will start to feel so good in your body.
Alright, my friend, that is what I have for you today and I will see you next week.
If you want to change your relationship with alcohol and with yourself then come check out EpicYOU. It’s where you get individualized help mastering the tools so you can become a woman who can take it or leave it and be in control around alcohol in any situation. EpicYOU is the place for women who want to be healthy, confident and empowered to accomplish their goals and live their best life. Come join us over at epicyou.com/epicyou. That’s epicyou.com/ E-P-I-C-Y-O-U. I can’t wait to see you there.