Have you ever been frustrated by your own desire?
You want something so bad but you wish you didn’t want it?
You really want something sweet after dinner but wish you didn’t have the craving?
Or it’s the end of the day and you just want a drink but you wish you didn’t want a drink?
I call this desire frustration.
You want something that you don’t want to want.
Some of us do this all the time to ourselves.
And it feels terrible.
What happens when you get frustrated by your desire?
All other kinds of emotions come up that begin to fuel the desire.
And you start thinking you need more willpower to win this game.
You think it’s either the drink that wins or my self-discipline wins.
Let’s play this out and see “who” wins.
What if you give into the drink? Do you win?
It may feel like relief, but you don’t win. You are fueling the next craving.
What if you are all frustrated for an hour or more thinking about the drink and don’t drink?
That doesn’t feel like a win either.
Why? Because now your brain thinks you have to get all mad and frustrated to win which doesn’t feel good and fuels the desire to get relief and drink. Eventually, you will cave and drink because who wants to be frustrated each time there is a craving?
This is what makes the process SO HARD that you hate it and give up.
The brain finally feels relief from the frustration caused by your thoughts.
But it thinks the relief came from the drink.
No, it was that your thoughts changed to now allowing the drink that caused the relief. You changed the story and the relief was felt.
When you drop the frustration, you end the resistance.
You end the battle that was causing the frustration.
Being married to our stories about drinking is what always causes the frustration and the desire.
It has little to do with the drink.
You know exactly what happens when you drink – each time.
If 4 drinks starts to feel awful to you, why do you drink the 4th?
Because of the story you have attached to drinking the fourth.
We are the creators of the struggle but we usually don’t see it.
This is why having a coach can be so transformative. I can point this out what you can’t see. And how you are making it HARDER to cut back.
Once you see what YOU are doing and how YOU are making it harder, it is only natural for the brain to NOT want to do that and the story gets dropped.
Change the story and feel better.
Without the drink.
It feels amazing.